England's Favorite Snack
by Dayoftheweekofthemonthofthyear
Summary: England is hunger for his favorite snack maybe America can help? crackcember fic yaoi m/m E/A don't like don't read. written by Hawkfrost


Hello! I'm here to bring you some more crack this December.

Warning: This is a yaoi story, which means male x male goodness. Don't like, don't read! Also it gets kind of really weird at the end. You have been warned. You will never be able to unsee what you read here.

Summary: it's tea time, and England needs America's help to bake his favorite snack.

Disclaimer: I don't own hetalia, Alfred, America, blah blah blah the copyright goes to the original creators blah blah blah and I also don't own McDonalds (not that I'd want to. Ugh!)

England's Favorite Snack

One day, Arthur was sitting in his home while his boyfriend Alfred was, he guessed, asleep upstairs in a food-induced coma. Arthur had begun to daze off into his own little world of spirits and sprites and unicorns and whatnot, when he was brought back to his senses by the ringing of his clock, which was hanging on the mantle above the gently burning fire in the hearth below.

"Could it really be tea time already?" Arthur wondered. It had felt as though he had sat down on his couch only minutes ago, when, in fact it had been roughly four hours. "I'll go fix the tea then" he said more to himself then to anyone else.

Arthur began to climb the stairs (for his kitchen happened to be on the second floor) and, upon reaching the landing, made sure to tiptoe past the bedroom of his lover. When he arrived in the kitchen, he poured some water into the kettle and set it onto the stove to boil. He then went to the pantry and bent over to search for the right tea blend to compliment the afternoon. Hmmmm, he pondered, maybe an earl grey would hit the spot. Alfred is asleep though, so there is hardly any chance that I could have that with my favorite snack. And I don't care for it without.

As this thought crossed his mind, something hard brushed up against his arse. Arthur jumped, as he was considerably startled.

"Hey, beautiful." Alfred said. He was standing there, glasses askew, in nothing but his favorite American flag print boxers and a raggedy pair of socks. The ones with holes in the ankles. "What are you up to?" He asked.

"I was just about to brew up some tea." Arthur answered. "Would you care to help me with the snacks?" He asked, looking innocent.

"Sure. What flavor were you planning on making?" Alfred asked

"Well, I was going to make earl grey, and now that you're here, i know exactally what snack im going to have with it." He said

"I know what you're getting at." Alfred said, slipping off his undergarments.

"One second now" said Arthur. " that's the kettle boiling." He grabbed the bag of earl grey, and made his way to the stove and poured the steaming contents of the kettle into the tea pot. Then he took the crumpets he had conveniently just made out of the oven so they could cool down. While he and Alfred heated things up.

Arthur made his way over to where Alfred stood. He kissed Alfred with passion. Alfred used his tough to ask for entrance to the older man's mouth, and Arthur complied, moving his hands down the younger male's body. He gripped his member and began to slowly toy with it until it was erect. He then broke their kiss to catch his breath and then he slowly trailed kisses down to where Alfred's cock was awaiting his attention.

He slowly began to tease the American.

"Stop teasing me and get it over with before your tea gets cold." Alfred complained, but the Brit knew his lover liked a little bit of teasing before the real show. He slowly took the whole length into his mouth and began to move his head back and forth.

About two minutes or so later, the Brit pulled Alfred's member out of his mouth, for he sensed that his lover was on the verge of orgasm. He then began to work the cock until the American moaned his name and came. It was a huge load, more than Arthur had ever seen at one time from one man (and that was saying something, seeing as Arthur had been raped by Francis more times than he could count, and everybody knew that Frenchmen are notorious for Cumming hard and producing literally a fuck ton of semen) Arthur began to collect all of his lovers cum in his second best butter dish.

He then collected the teapot, two cups, two plates, the crumpets, his "cream", and some real cream for Alfred.

After he had poured the tea, and Alfred had secured his undergarment back into place, he asked Alfred "would you like one lump of sugar in your tea, or forty seven?" Already knowing his answer he would receive.

"Oh the latter, my dear." Said Alfred in a very bad posh British accent.

The Brit dumped the rest of the sugar left in the bowl, and turned to his crumpet. He spread his lovers seed all over the top of the pastry, and took a bite savoring the flavor.

"Your disgusting!" Said Alfred as he pulled a box of McDonald's French fries out of his underwear and began to dip them in a tub of lard mixed with sugar and mayonnaise.

When the two had finished their snack and drunken all of the tea, Arthur extended his arm to his lover and they skipped gaily off to their bedroom to have the roughest bout of sex that either of them had ever experienced (and again they had both experienced Francis in action). "I love to bake with you!" Said Arthur. Making the ending of our story sound a lot like some really shitty commercial for a cookie dough company. The two lovers curled up and fell asleep.

I warned you! Now you can never unsee that. Please r&r and maybe fallow us so you can get your daily dosage of Crack! this December. This is my first time writing smut, so don't flame me too hard in your reviews please. Also, make sure to participate in Crackcember, it's not too late to start. We would love to spread crack around this December so that it can be a white Christmas, but instead of snow falling, it's crack.


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